This Fish just wrote an incredibly evocative post about old humiliations from school sticking in her mind with steely determination; of never being able to forget just how it felt to be that insecure and shy and new.
I was a very shy child, prone to crying in primary school when I felt out of my depth and unable to cope. I hated situations with new people and still do to this day. I obviously hide it much better and don't burst into tears when I can't find my colleague at a work conference. Secondary school was a little better but it took a lot of training and work to be able to spend significant amounts of time away from my family (something I've obviously mastered now living on a different continent) or to feel in any way comfortable around anyone other than my best friends. Playing hockey on the same team as some of the cool girls was excruciating due to feelings of inadequacy, clumsiness and general ineptness. I certainly hadn't been out drinking in the bushes the night before, I wasn't thin as them (I was, I just didn't think so) and I couldn't make sportswear look as cool.
I sometimes idly wonder what would be in store for any children I'd have. Is shyness genetic? Would they be disadvantaged if James and I continue this wandering lifestyle? (Is it presumptuous to talk about children when we aren't even married?) Would they constantly feel stressed by being the new kid and unable to relate to others around them without the safety net of a group of best friends.
Not something I have to worry about for a while but just random thoughts that pop into my mind when I'm daydreaming.
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I was shy too and I wonder how my children would be. As I got older I became less and less shy, realizing that most peoples opinions of me mean absolutely nothing and that I'm a pretty good person, so if you don't like me, tough.
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